The Day My Life Was Shattered

My husband had an affair. Not just any affair one he plotted right under my nose with someone I trusted. Course he claims he had not planned on doing it but I am sure every man claims the same thing when caught. I am told I should not blame her but how can I not. She knew he was married yet she went ahead and carried on like it was not going to hurt anyone. Did they both think I would not get hurt?

I will admit I am a fool. I did not question his reasons for going back to his childhood home. I did not question him when he said he was staying with a friend so he would not need a hotel room. Course I did not find out until the morning he was leaving that he was staying with a female friend and not the male friend that I had assumed he would be staying with. I let him leave with no doubt in my mind that all would be well. Well the first phone call home I knew something was wrong. Then when I get the word that I should only call for emergencies another sense of something being wrong entered my mind. What really ticks me off is this female knowing she was having sex with my husband talked to me and my kids like she was nothing but someone who wanted to be friends with me and the kids. I'm sick knowing all that time I thought she was being nice to me she was having sex with my husband. Boy did she play me for the biggest fool.

The moment we saw him in the airport something was not right. Again I just figured he was having a little trouble coming back to reality after having no real worries during his 8 day vacation. However it was becoming quite clear within two days of his being back that something was seriously wrong. I love how he said he was confused by feelings that he was having. I thought maybe he wanted to move back home. Well I was right but silly me for thinking he wanted me and the boys to go with him. Sunday he finally admitted to being in love with this other woman but he did not want to hurt me and the boys. Umm hello that statement alone hurt all of us. I seriously can not believe he thought that I and the boys would be perfectly okay with him just up and leaving us for another woman. I can not believe he thought for even the slightest moment that his life would become the perfect life it was while on vacation when he left me for a woman he had not spoke to in over 40 years until he hooked up with her on facebook in the past 4-6 months. I am still angry that he was willing to trade in ten years of marriage for a one week affair.

It took until Monday to finally get him to admit that he had an affair. Course by then I knew, between emails and other communication with certain "friends" of theirs I knew something was up. And yes I did read several email exchanges between my husband and this female. Enough that I knew everything long before he admitted it. He admitted he was ready to leave but did not want to leave me with nothing. He wanted to be sure I was taken care of. And I was told I should not blame myself nor should I blame the other woman. I should only blame him. Well that's crap cause she is every much to blame for this as he is. She allowed herself to become involved knowing full well that he was married and yet it seems her only thought was for herself and not for me or the three little boys. Don claimed he did not want to distrup his kids life. LOL what a joke that comment was. Did he think that going from seeing their father every day to only seeing at most a few weeks in the summer and one or two holidays during the year was not going to affect them? Did he not think that losing a full time mom was not going to hurt the kids? Because there is no way I would be able to stay home with them the way I do now.

Monday night he states that he wants to work things out. Well I am fine with that I say but I tell him we need to be completely honest. I ask that he gives it at least 6 months of really trying to work things out before he decides he is ready to throw his family away. I also ask that he stop all contact with his "friend." He tells me he does not want to hurt her and he needs to tell her. Geez what about not hurting your wife you jerk. I guess my feelings really did not matter and I was really beginning to doubt his sincrity in trying to work things out. I finally allow him to send her an email but that I would have to read it before he could send it. I also stated I wanted full access to all of his accounts so I could see if he was talking to her. I went to bed feeling quite confident about trying to work things out. Then morning came along and I discover he had reopened another email account and sent a message to his lady friend that way. Again he claims he does not want to hurt her feelings. This ticks me off cause I am reading this as her feelings are more important than yours. Needless to say I was exteremly hurt again.

Honestly I do not know what to think at this point. I do think after another arugement yesterday morning we are both working on fixing our marriage but I feel this hurt that what if he is only toying with me. That he has no plans of sticking it out with me but is just doing this right now to make me feel better. I told him last night I want him tested for STD's. I don't care that I am confident she does not have any I just want him to realize what could have happened. I mean honestly she was willing to have an affair with a married man who is to say she would not have an affair with just anyone.