Way back when I first got pregnant with Nathan I found a wonderful support group online. After a while some of us made a move to a private board and became really good friends. We even got together a few times and they were of great support. About a year and a half after the twins were born I came to discover that one member of that board didn't really like me and had secretly started a collection of all my posts, mainly bad ones or where I complained about how sickly the kids were. Yes for a while my kids were sick it seemed every other day. Well one day when I complained about how a neighbor called the police on us for letting a child cry it out I was told by this person she wasn't surprised as she felt I was a horrible parent. She then proceeded to post every single post I had ever made along with pictures I posted that illustrated what happened. Basically I was called an unfit mother and made to feel like I was a piece of crap. What bothered me most was supposedly this person was of the same faith as me yet I can tell you she did not act like any member of my church I had ever known. I left the group as I was ticked off that my trust with people on the board was broken. Sadly I allowed someone else who had also been treated unfairly by those on our private group to convince me I should share my story on the main group. A few details were changed and yes I allowed my anger to let everyone there know exactly how those on our private group felt about them. Unlike B I didn't think ahead of time to document every thing as I actually was friends with the people I chatted with daily. Well word got back to them and I was completely blacklisted and nobody from the group would talk with me again.
Now it's been almost 5 years and I've been trying to apologize, mainly because I know I did wrong, but I can't get anyone to even acknowledge I have sent messages to. They won't even respond with a you an ass and I don't ever want to talk to you again. The funny thing is two people from the group are members of my faith and I guess really don't believe in the lessons we learn from our prophet and his counselors. Years ago two of them suggested I listen to the this speech during general conference because I still held bitter feelings to our old ward. I find it odd that I was suppose to forgive yet they can choose not to. Granted I haven't done all I could do (meaning I don't have physical addresses to mail or visit these ladies anymore and that I have contacted them via their blogs, facebook, and email) but I find now that I just really don't care if I get their forgiveness cause I've finally forgiven them for what they did to me. I really only wanted to be friends with one lady again although reconnecting on a limited basis with the others would have been nice as we shared so much. One I was going to ask to take my kids if something ever happened to me and my husband as that's how close I thought we were. Yesterday I left a comment on a blog run by one of these women. She took the time to respond to each and every other commenter but my comment. A few hours later she removed my comment.
So today I say goodbye to my feelings of hatred, resentment, and hateful thoughts of these people. I have moved on. As James Faust said in the above speech:
"If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being."
I only hope one day at least one of them can also learn the healing power of forgiveness.
17 hours ago