Saturday, November 12, 2011

Moving On

Way back when I first got pregnant with Nathan I found a wonderful support group online. After a while some of us made a move to a private board and became really good friends. We even got together a few times and they were of great support. About a year and a half after the twins were born I came to discover that one member of that board didn't really like me and had secretly started a collection of all my posts, mainly bad ones or where I complained about how sickly the kids were. Yes for a while my kids were sick it seemed every other day. Well one day when I complained about how a neighbor called the police on us for letting a child cry it out I was told by this person she wasn't surprised as she felt I was a horrible parent. She then proceeded to post every single post I had ever made along with pictures I posted that illustrated what happened. Basically I was called an unfit mother and made to feel like I was a piece of crap. What bothered me most was supposedly this person was of the same faith as me yet I can tell you she did not act like any member of my church I had ever known. I left the group as I was ticked off that my trust with people on the board was broken. Sadly I allowed someone else who had also been treated unfairly by those on our private group to convince me I should share my story on the main group. A few details were changed and yes I allowed my anger to let everyone there know exactly how those on our private group felt about them. Unlike B I didn't think ahead of time to document every thing as I actually was friends with the people I chatted with daily. Well word got back to them and I was completely blacklisted and nobody from the group would talk with me again.
Now it's been almost 5 years and I've been trying to apologize, mainly because I know I did wrong, but I can't get anyone to even acknowledge I have sent messages to. They won't even respond with a you an ass and I don't ever want to talk to you again. The funny thing is two people from the group are members of my faith and I guess really don't believe in the lessons we learn from our prophet and his counselors. Years ago two of them suggested I listen to the this speech during general conference because I still held bitter feelings to our old ward. I find it odd that I was suppose to forgive yet they can choose not to. Granted I haven't done all I could do (meaning I don't have physical addresses to mail or visit these ladies anymore and that I have contacted them via their blogs, facebook, and email) but I find now that I just really don't care if I get their forgiveness cause I've finally forgiven them for what they did to me. I really only wanted to be friends with one lady again although reconnecting on a limited basis with the others would have been nice as we shared so much. One I was going to ask to take my kids if something ever happened to me and my husband as that's how close I thought we were. Yesterday I left a comment on a blog run by one of these women. She took the time to respond to each and every other commenter but my comment. A few hours later she removed my comment.
So today I say goodbye to my feelings of hatred, resentment, and hateful thoughts of these people. I have moved on. As James Faust said in the above speech:
"If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being."
I only hope one day at least one of them can also learn the healing power of forgiveness.


Chantel said...

Norah, I am so sorry. I am always amazed at what a wonderful mom you are and am so impressed with the time you spend with your kids. The things you come up with for their schooling is absolutely amazing. Having met you in person, and not just online, I can't imagine anyone thinking differently. I am so sorry you've been going through this!!

kkweight said...

Was this the same "group" we were both involved in at the same time?
If so ive always wondered what happened, the group dynamics seemed to shift and things got really I always wanted to ask point blank what was going on in the group, but knew that i would never be given a straight answer.
I for one valued and enjoyed the time we spent together. I enjoyed hearing and learning from your experiences.
And honestly, i loved and cherished the opportunities you allowed for me to hold and play with your sweet babies. You really have no idea how much that helped me.
Anyhow, i kinda know how you feel and i do think think that with most all things in life, its just best to move on. I think that the important thing is that Heavenly Father knows the true intent of your heart and theirs, and i think that's what matters most. Forgiveness is never one sided.
Anyhow, its great to see you guys are doing well!

waqar qureshi said...
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